• *Hyperventilating Hysterical
  • **Faint with Disgust
  • ***Dizzy with Disbelief
  • ****A Big Dose of Awww

I was taking care of a disoriented patient the other day, brought him his pills and he counts them all, 8 in total, and keeps repeating the number 8, 8, 8.... So later when I go to do neuro checks, I ask him, "Do you know where you are?" and he says "8," I look and "Yes, your in Room 208" and I say "Do you know what time it is?" and he says "8" I look and "Yes, your right its 8:25am!" Funny Luck! Tuesday, November 01, 2011 12:02 AM

What do you call a male patient who is difficult to extubate and take of the ventilator? A hard weener Sunday, February 13, 2011 8:33 PM

I had a 97-year-old terminally ill patient. I walked into his room for an assessment and asked him "how do you feel?" Without even a pause, he said "with my hands, what about you?" Thursday, April 22, 2010 12:33 PM

I had a patient who used the call button every 10 minutes asking for a private room. Eventually, we gave in and moved her into a single room. Then she buzzed every 10 mins asking to be returned to the other room because she was lonely on her own. Thursday, April 22, 2010 12:30 PM

I had a woman who called to report an intruder in her room -- she was right on, too! A confused little old man was trying to crawl into bed with her! Thursday, April 22, 2010 12:28 PM

I had a patient buzz me and ask me to help clean out her hand bag, as she may as well seeing as how I have all this time on my hands. I do not know what they think we do all day… Thursday, April 22, 2010 12:25 PM

I had a woman call 911 and tell them she needed the bed pan! Wednesday, April 14, 2010 6:27 PM

We had a lady call our unit and ask us if she was pregnant. We asked the appropriate questions and then she asked if there is a way to tell who is the father. We keep providing her with info and asking questions and SHE hangs up because WE are too nosy... Wednesday, April 14, 2010 6:21 PM

I heard a patient screaming at the top of his lungs from down the hall. When I got to his room he said "Ready? I can't breathe!!!” Really?? Wednesday, April 14, 2010 6:18 PM

Once a patient asked me to roll her hair and put on her makeup after she had showered. I told her I studied nursing...not cosmetology. Wednesday, April 14, 2010 6:15 PM

I had a 101 year-old patient ring her bell. When I arrived in her room she stared at me blankly for a minute and then eventually said "Am I dead yet?" Thursday, April 01, 2010 4:05 PM

I’ve been routinely asked by elderly female patients to shave their chins. Thursday, April 01, 2010 4:02 PM

A patient said to me: “Can you go into my room and see if it's too hot or too cold? I can't tell.” Thursday, April 01, 2010 4:00 PM

I had a patient ask me for his "peanut butter balls.” I could not figure out what he was talking about until I read his med list and saw Phenobarbitol listed. Thursday, April 01, 2010 3:26 PM

A patient told me to stop giving her so much “LATE SEX” because it kept her up all night. I could not figure out what she was talking about until I tried to give her a LASIX dose. She replied that she got too much “LATE SEX” and that's why she was up all night. Thursday, April 01, 2010 3:23 PM

I had a patient call the police and tell them we were holding her hostage. There happen to be a police officer sitting on our floor. So, I asked him to talk to her and calm her down. As soon as he walked in, her eyes got really big and she said "Wow, that was the fastest response I've ever gotten. Thursday, April 01, 2010 3:21 PM

There was this 300 lbs., fussy patient on my floor who just had a c-section. She called me in her room and said, "Since I am in so much pain (mind you she was eating Burger King, watching TV and laughing on the phone), could I smoke my room and can you get me a cigarette and light?" I silently walked out of the room, went and got two other nurses, got her up and sent her outside smoke. Thursday, April 01, 2010 2:51 PM

One of my ninety year-old, male patients said to me: "I promise not to touch, but could you just lift your skirt so I can admire your chubby legs?" Thursday, April 01, 2010 2:46 PM

I had a patient who was a real pain in the you-know-what. One night, he dropped his blanket and called 9-1-1 because he was suffering from hypothermia. Thursday, April 01, 2010 2:44 PM

One patient asked me to cut and paint her toe nails. I told her, "I don't even paint my own toes, I think that is something you'll have to ask your family to do." Thursday, April 01, 2010 2:42 PM